Whether you’re picking a provider for a pregnancy or for general gynecologic care, remember – you’re picking your medical team. It’s a TEAM. And you’re a lead member! More or less the star player, in my book.
My #1 piece of advice is to make sure you’ve found a provider who is going to be on your side if and when you’re putting up a fight.
Which, by the way, doesn’t necessarily refer to someone with stellar bedside manner who you connect with as a person. Connection is a great plus, and may be the biggest factor for some women! Sometimes, however, we choose our providers because they specialize in one thing or another (such as VBACs, endometriosis, high risk pregnancy, difficult IUD insertions, etc.) but you MUST feel like you’re working towards the same goal. Hopefully a healthy and happy YOU. 🙂
You don’t want to be fighting against your provider to have your needs met; you want to be fighting alongside your provider for success!
Are you “fighting with” (against) or “fighting with” (alongside)? Funny how the same words can mean two very different things.
I like to remind women that you’re not married to your provider. Even if you’ve been seeing the same OB/GYN since age 14, when you went in for painful periods. Even if she was awesome and supportive and you think she’s a wonderful person. If you don’t share the same philosophy about birth, you’re not required to use her for your next baby! If she doesn’t seem to take you seriously when you raise concerns about about side effects from your birth control, find someone who will! Teams are about trust. Whatever the issue at hand is, you need to have confidence that your provider is the right person for right now.
We’re at our most vulnerable and exposed when seeking women’s health care. Whether it’s a result of history or culture or just the nature of the beast – the office of your OB/GYN provider probably doesn’t put you at ease. Set yourself up for success! You own your body, you own your care. In general, try to avoid physicians who are very authoritarian, i.e. “I know what’s up, I am the expert, so just listen to me.” Expertise is good, but if you don’t feel like you have a a strong voice, if you don’t leave the office feeling both empowered and secure, search onward. You can be as strong and confident in this area of your life as in any other.
I’m not just saying it, I’ve done it.
During my first pregnancy, I switched providers three times. I started with an OB/GYN I trusted and respected, but she didn’t deliver at a hospital that took my insurance. Next I found a female OB at the hospital where I worked. When I told her that I aspired to have a natural birth, she responded that it was patients like me who ended up on my unit – critical care. Ouch. Not for me. Ultimately I defaulted to the religiously observant OB who was most popular in my frum community, and at least I felt understood when I raised my concerns and aspirations. That’s a birth story for another time, but suffice it to say that more research about clinic and hospital guidelines would have been beneficial! Live and learn.
You know what? I kept switching. I used two different nurse-midwives for my next two births – I was looking for something different each time. It’s not really in my nature to change things up, but I learned that it was worthwhile to meet a goal. By taking ownership of my health care as the “MVP” of my team (and with a lot of Siyata d’Shmaya) I was able to approach those births without being on the defense. Feeling safe and supported goes a very long way.
It’s not just about pregnancy, either. After making Aliyah, it took four or five tries until I found a gynecologist that I felt really heard and respected my voice as a patient. (I may have an unusual amount to say about women’s health care. ;-)) But you know what? It’s worth it to me to travel to another city to leave the doctor’s office feeling understood. You can get used to that sort of empowerment! And having experienced it personally, I truly wish it for the women around me.
**It’s worth noting that in Israel, pregnancy care in general and delivery in particular work differently unless you’re paying privately. Even so, you can still try to find a hospital that matches your philosophy and goals. Remember that in labor and birth, the staff of the hospital is also part of the team! Looking for a VBAC? Research which hospital has the most success. Natural birth in a more laid back environment? There are places that are better and worse for that too. Do you have concerns about nursing your new baby? Some hospitals have great lactation support, others do not. Find out which hospital can best suit your unique needs.**
Coming up in another post:
- What are the different types of OB/GYN providers?
- Is a nurse practitioner the same as a physician’s assistant?
- Is a midwife the same as a doula?
- What does it mean to be a “primary care” provider?
P'nima Wellness 