This whole topic used to really stress me out. Personally. Professionally. Altogether.
Whatever I learned in kallah classes didn’t help.
The responses I got to my frequent shaylahs while taking birth control pills added further anxiety.
Advanced nursing education in women’s health just made my questions more pressing.
“You want me to pretend I’m not seeing any blood? Who are we trying to trick here?!”
“I know this blood came from my uterus, doesn’t that automatically make me a niddah?”
Then, in 2020, I enrolled in a course from Machon Puah to become a Yoetzet l’Refuah v’Halacha (not to be confused with Nishmat’s program for Yoatzot Halacha). Machon Puah’s course is designed to fill in the gaps for those already involved in either medical or halachic education (nurses, kallah teachers, rebbetzins, etc.), so women have a well rounded destination for their questions. The medical content was great and insightful (and definitely strengthened my language skills!), but it was the many hours we spent reviewing hilchos niddah from the bottom up that gave me a fresh understanding of Taharas HaMishpacha. Seeing things through the lens of Tumah and Taharah in the times of the Beis HaMikdash; a historic perspective on the evolution of when/how we count; understanding the range of psakim given in response to niddah shaylahs – there was so much there that I’d never considered.
And so, it was time to reapproach my attitude towards spotting. Was it really cheating to try and avoid becoming niddah while spotting? Are women being told to stick their heads in the sand and remain “out of touch” with their bodies?
It’s really not cheating. You do not have to avoid your body.
Here’s the most important point:
Min haTorah, only bleeding from the uterus that’s accompanied by a hargashah makes a woman a niddah. Many poskim hold that we never feel hargashos in this day and age (that’s what I learned as a kallah), while others allow that some women feel sensations which can be qualified as a hargashos. (See this link from Nishmat for a more thorough overview; ask your LOR if you have further questions/for a personal psak.)
The Rabbanim further expanded hilchos niddah to include flows of blood (e.g. a period) and kesamim (spotting/staining) even without a hargashah. However WITH THAT EXPANSION they also included leniencies! The Rabbanim knew they were balancing the severity of Hilchos Niddah against the intense importance of Shalom Bayis, and so they extended Niddah to very speciffic situations, with a narrow focus.
I just want to reiterate – those “loopholes” are built in and intentional. Without hargashos and without a flow, a women just does not become a niddah unless specific parameters are met with regards to a) size of the stain, b) location, c) surface, and d) color of the surface. Plus, only certain colors of staining are problematic.
It’s important to note that these rules apply specifically to external staining. If a woman finds a stain on something that was inserted vaginally (such as a bedikah cloth or diaphragm), immediately following intercourse, or immediately after urinating, there is a concern that she may have missed an accompanying hargashah and things get more complicated. We’ll talk more about this too in the next post.
Did I just elimate the stress that women experience when spotting? Totally not.
Even if you can successfully shake that feeling that you’re being sneaky, gaming the system, cheating – whatever your brain was telling you before that made you feel guilty – spotting and staining still make married life really complicated. And remaining on guard to avoid becoming niddah isn’t always simple. But knowing that you’re doing the right thing to maintain your state of Taharah can be both motivating and reassuring.
For “frequent spotters,” there are a number of medical and herbal solutions that help many many women. While I have some tips sprinkled throughout this website, I do not have a post on decreasing spotting. Matching the right solution to each woman takes some finesse. If this is something you’re currently struggling with and you’d like to talk about what can help, please schedule a consultation and let’s see what we can do!
Coming up next –
Avoiding Niddah While Spotting: Practical Tips
*Special thanks to my father-in-law, Rabbi Pinchas Chatzinoff, Rav of Congregation Tiferes Zvi in Cedarhurst, NY, for taking the time to review and approve the halachic content of this post.
P'nima Wellness 