Priorities.

I found myself on a food blog today, cooking dinner from a link my sister sent me. Curious as to who thought of combining spaghetti, tuna, and a whole lot of lemon (but no cheese)*, I popped over to the “about” section to read a few words about the Lebanese-American woman who started the blog.

Nice ode to her mother, a bit about the challenges of making dinner every night while managing a career…then I read something that made me stop. And blink. And re-read.

Yurma wrote, “Now I have two kids, a husband, and this growing business, but you’re still my priority.” (italics mine)

I mean, as the blog reader, I’m deeply flattered. But as a frum mother, I’m shocked. This women clearly doesn’t have a “Yiddishe Mamme” mindset! I could elaborate, but I feel like I don’t really have to.

Instead I’ll speak for myself: Baruch Hashem, I’ve been blessed with children, a husband, and the potential to grow in a profession that I love…and my priority is still my family.

What does that mean practically? Well, I have pages worth of information I want to give over, 10+ blog post drafts in progress, dreams of who to interview on the podcast next. It’s safe to say my passion for women’s health education keeps a nice chunk of my brain occupied. But there’s only so much time in one day, and writing takes a lot of time. (Far more than I expected!) The humans in my home come first. (And often, tidying the home comes next. You know how it is.)

But I didn’t come here just to excuse myself for inconsistent publishing. Not entirely. It got me thinking some more about the delicate balance of our lives. Everything we juggle, every ball we keep up in the air.

When I got stuck without a clinical site at the end of midwifery school, my advisor excitedly called to say she found somewhere for me to “catch babies” (aka attend deliveries) in Galveston, Texas, 4.5 hours from Dallas where we lived with our two tiny children. The catch: I’d need to move there for 8 weeks. Thank you, I said, but that really won’t work out. I can’t be “mother,” “wife,” “kosher keeping and Shabbos observing Jew,” “member of a frum community,” “supporter of my husband’s learning and shul attendance” while disappearing off to Galveston for 2 months?! That’s when I fully internalized that being a Torah Jew is its own part time job. And when I dropped the CNM track and switched to WHNP. 😉 It was clear what was right for me at that time.

We frum women are doing holy work, whatever stage of life we’re in. (This holds as true when you’re a single student or entry-level employee navigating yomim tovim as it does when you’re a mother raising your brood in a complicated world.) Here’s the thing. When you’re the one balancing things so carefully, juggling so much, it’s easy to lose track of YOU. We all know this to be true. So self-care gets brought up a lot. Mindfulness. Eating and sleeping the best you can. Fitting in some exercise. Nonetheless, so much of the time we’re only brought back to thinking of ourselves when there’s a crisis, some physical or emotional fire to put out, symptoms that can’t be ignored.

Being that I really am passionate about women’s health, I tend to think it should climb up the priority list! That’s why I do what I do, and write what I write, and talk what I talk. When women take the time to care for themselves – to listen to their bodies, to pay attention to what they’re feeling physically and emotionally – they have greater strength to be everything they need to be for their families, homes, careers, and friends. Our community has so many resources, so many women devoted to helping others, organizations, educators, mechanchim – the list goes on! But it really is up to each one of us, the women caught up in the act of juggling and balancing and making things work, to take the time to sit. And think. And inventory. And prioritize. And access the resources and help we need. It’s worth the effort and time. WE are worth the effort and time.

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*The pasta was pretty good! I recommend eating it straight off the stove top, though. It really didn’t reheat well… https://feelgoodfoodie.net/recipe/tuna-pasta/