**I hope you read my last post with an overview on avoiding niddah while spotting – if not, do so now! There’s some really key halachic and hashkafic background to review before moving forwards.**
I’ve been sort of wrestling with myself on how to present these practical tips. There’s a lot of variation in the psakim women will get, and there’s a lot of variation in what’s actually going on when a woman spots! I think we’ll keep things pretty basic but informative, list the key dos and don’ts, and remember: always as your personal LOR/posek if you have a question about what’s right for you.
Another thing women don’t always consider is that the psak they received at one stage will not necessarily be identical to the psak they receive at a later stage. You can’t go “psak shopping” (you didn’t like what you heard, so you ask someone else), but when factors change (e.g. postpartum, new birth control, an ectropion cervix or polyp, a short cycle pattern, etc.) you can ask for a new psak for your present circumstances, and you’re not necessarily required to ask the same Rav.
REMEMBER: DON’T DEFAULT TO ASSURING YOURSELF WITHOUT ASKING A SHAYLAH. Even if you’re pretty sure what the answer will be – ask your Rav.
Spotting while halachically assumed to be Tahor (post mikvah, not during an onah)
- Don’t do any extra bedikahs!!!! Remember, the more lenient halachos of ketamim only apply to stains found outside the body. (Review this post with an overview on staining.)
- Don’t use a tampon. Don’t insert a menstrual cup. Women who use diaphragms will need to be especially careful when inserting and removing to avoid seeing any stains.
- Some communities have a practice of doing a bedikah after an episode of spotting to get an “all clear” before intimacy but this is a chumrah. In such a situation, you can speak to your Rav to determine if this is an appropriate practice for you.
- Don’t wear white underwear. Also try to avoid white shorts, tights or leggings with a white crotch liner, white PJs pants, etc. Just be smart to keep yourself out of trouble.
- Some rabbanim will also tell you to avoid red and pink, or very pale pastel colors.
- Some rabbanim will recommend black underwear only. PROS: You really won’t see any bleeding. CONS: You really won’t have any idea what’s going on. My experience is that for the anxious types or those who track their cycles closely, black is not the best option. The urge to “check in” makes it very hard not to look when wiping.
- Wait 24-48 hrs after spotting to be intimate. That’s a guideline, not a rule. Couples make choices based on their own personal circumstances. But to be safe, you should really take a break while you’re spotting. If you find anything immediately after intercourse, you’re in a much tougher situation. Plus, obviously, you don’t want to over a serious issur.
- Wait 15-30 seconds after urinating to wipe. Uh, why? There is a concern that you may miss a hargasha while urinating which would make any bleeding a problem min haTorah. At that point, you would not be able to rely on the leniencies for staining.
- I personally never learned this one in Kallah classes, and I’ve heard some women say they were told by their Rav that there’s no need to wait. On the other hand, this instruction is what I was taught by Machon Puah and I’ve seen it written in many practical niddah guides.
- Women are used to being told “just don’t look” when they reference staining they saw after wiping. At minimum, this does help with that for those who look instinctively.
- Use only dark colored fabric/towels to clean up after being intimate. Again, there’s a concern that a woman may miss a hargasha during the act of intimacy. This means that any staining found immediately afterwards (on herself OR her husband) would not have the leniencies of a d’rabbanan prohibition applied.
- If you’ve been having spotting, if you have a history of post-coital bleeding, or if you just want to be cautious, make sure to use a dark towel to clean up. (You can buy a set of hand towels to keep by the bed, etc.) It may make sense to head straight to the shower as well, depending on the level of concern.
Spotting During the 7 Neki’im or during an Onah
Things work differently from a halachic standpoint when you are not assumed to be Tahor. Basically, you’re out to “prove something” with all those bedikahs, so you can’t do away with the basics.
Not to wear white underwear and not to look after wiping (and at minimum to delay wiping) are usually among the first things a woman struggling with spotting will be told to do, as explained above.
Depending on why a woman might be spotting during her 7 Neki’im/during an Onah, she may be instructed by her Rav to:
- Do a more shallow bedikah (generally to avoid bumping into a wound /petzah on the cervix)
- Do bedikahs less frequently (this can be to avoid irritating the cervix or another vaginal wound, or to minimize the chances that she’ll be spotting while doing a bedikah)
- Skip the Moch after her Hefsek Taharah
- Do bedikahs later in the day, not immediately after rising (to allow a woman’s natural discharge to clear a small amount of blood and mucous – generally from a cervical source – that collected overnight)
- Delay bedikahs
- There are women who routinely spot around the 7th or 8th day of their cycle (usually because of something structural in the uterus holding back a pocket of blood) or around the 14th day of their cycle (with ovulation).
- It is actually muttar to do a Hefsek Taharah and wait to start the 7 Neki’im (with no flow/problematic staining in between), so that’s a tidy solution for some women who have very predictable spotting a couple days after their period.
- Some women with spotting during ovulation are told to skip Day 7 and do a final bedikah on Day 8. (Note: this is not a solution for women trying to get pregnant!)
- You cannot skip Day 7 for any reason if you last did a bedikah on Day 1, or you will need to start the 7 Neki’im from the beginning. No more than 5 days can pass between bedikahs. (That’s why it’s highly recommended for most women – even chronic spotters with a psak to do very limited checks – to at minimum do a bedikah on Day 3 or 4.)
- A woman who is struggling to get clean may be instructed to skip doing a bedikah on a day that she spotted – be sure to call before doing the bedikah!
What’s the deal with pantiliners?
Pantiliners are worn inside the underwear. They come both disposable (synthetic materials, which have a halachic advantage) and washable/reusable (usually cotton or bamboo fabric). Some women experience irritation with one kind but not the other, others feel bad for the environment/want to be more economical, etc. – there are different factors to weigh when choosing.
Here are some of the different psakim I’ve heard (some directly, some from women quoting their rabbanim), just to give you an idea of what’s out there:
–> Any synthetic pantiliner is fine, even white, because it’s not mekabel tumah. The size of staining is a problem only if it’s so heavy that it signifies a flow.
–> Draw a line down the middle of a disposable white pantiliner. We can be more meikel that way when a shaylah arises on a synthetic material, plus the line will “cut” the size of the stain in half.
–> Any colored pantiliner is fine. If the bleeding soaks through, consider it a flow. They can be changed with some frequency to avoid that concern.
–> If your pantiliner – synthetic or cotton – has any white fiber in it at all, you have a problem. Best not to count on them.
As you can see, that’s a REALLY WIDE RANGE of answers! It’s helpful to know what’s out there in the world of pantiliners when you’re asking your Rav for a psak, so check your local pharmacy (even better if there’s a frum drugstore in your city), the mikvah, Amazon (surprisingly great resource), etc. Or, if you’re crafty, sew your own – there are patterns online. 😉
Special thanks, yet again, to my father-in-law, Rabbi Pinchas Chatzinoff, Rav of Congregation Tiferes Zvi in Cedarhurst, NY, for taking the time to review and approve the halachic content of this (rather lengthy) post.
P'nima Wellness 